Who do you want to bomb today?

So I'm watching CNN and I see that we've just shot some 300 cruise missiles off against Iraq, at a cost of just under $1 million each, meaning we've spent a quarter-billion on cruise missiles alone in about three days. Add in airplane fuel, Navy ships, moving the Marines and other assorted costs, and the total for Operation Desert Fox is going to run into the tens of billions.

Which is a lot of coin, even by Washington's standards. And it's money we seemingly can't afford to spend.

Consider: Every time we send our military somewhere – whether Iraq or Haiti or Grenada or Bosnia – the military brass and their Republican supporters start complaining that the billions of dollars we spend to run all these operations doesn't leave enough money to properly train our troops. (Which brings up the question of just what it is we're training them to do.)

Of course, nobody wants to raise taxes to offset the cost of these missions, and so we're reportedly ending up with pilots who can't fly, soldiers who can't shoot, and sailors who can't do whatever it is sailors do (apparently peer seriously at large computer monitors, to judge by the recruiting ad I just saw).

And yet the solution to this funding conundrum is so clear, so easy: Why don't we simply tap into Madison Avenue in order to raise the money we need?

You only have to look at professional sports to see how it's done.

The armed services are getting all kinds of free exposure on TV this month: Why not follow the lead of the various auto-racing outfits and sell advertising space on our military hardware? Shoot, they've already got the decals made up. All we have to do is write a contract and slap 'em on.

An Air Force F-15 could be used to hawk Pennzoil and STP. Plaster our Abrams tanks with Coors Light and Texaco ads. And just think what you could do with the deck of an aircraft carrier!

These days, even golfers are selling the ad space on their visors and t-shirts to the highest bidder. With Nike reporting a 51 percent drop in profits last week due to the NBA strike, surely they'd jump at the chance to redesign the Army's uniforms and get their copyrighted "Swoosh" logo on every pair of camouflage BDUs. All of a sudden, "Just Do It" has a whole new lease on life.

While the above ideas would undoubtedly help raise tens of millions of dollars in advertising revenue to keep our fighting forces trained and ready, it seems to me there might yet be more potential here.

Think about it: Aren't you tired of paying the cost of big-ticket items like new bombers or submarines that cost billions and billions of dollars?

Well, local governments have found a way to off-set the cost of their big-ticket items. The last couple of years, various companies have been buying the right to have their names associated with large sports venues. There's Ericksson Stadium. 3-Com Park. Cinergy Field. Qualcomm Stadium. The Great Western Forum.

Naming aircraft carriers after dead people is patriotic and all, but where's the profit margin in the USS Carl Vinson? Does Miss Budweiser have to be a tiny little racing craft? Couldn't the name also apply to a cruiser – for the right price, of course?

And for the traditionalists who balk at such thoughts, consider the college football bowls, one of the most hidebound groups on Earth. They've entered into some very profitable arrangements. The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. The Culligan Holiday Bowl. Even the Rose Bowl will be carrying a sponsor.

C'mon, when the U.S. Olympic Ski Team has its own official sunblock, are we still ready to argue arcane points of decorum and dignity?

Because there's some serious money to be made here.

While of the above arrangements have provided lucrative income streams for their respective outfits and could do the same for the Pentagon, you can't compare a bowl game, a stadium or even the Olympics to a real, honest-to-John-Wayne war. If a pitcher like Kevin Brown is worth $105 million, what on Earth is a nice battle going to bring in?

Think about it: "Coca-Cola Presents Showdown in Baghdad." "The Pepsi-Cola Bosnia Challenge."

And if Big Business initially balks at having their names so blatantly tied to a military operation, do as public broadcasting and the Olympics do: Don't formally accept "advertising," and instead make their product the official "sponsor" of your event:

"Wendy's: The official hamburger of the Grenada Invasion Force."

"This kidnapping of Manuel Noriega made possible by the generous support of the people at IBM."

Shoot, any time a major multinational gets caught in some unsavory little business practice, they could just write a check to the Pentagon and get a nice p.r. boost.

In fact, for our first Official Sponsor of America's Fighting Men and Women, I'd suggest a certain Seattle-based firm caught up in a nasty anti-trust battle with the feds. Seems to me a couple billion dollars payable to the Pentagon to sponsor our attack on Iraq ought to provide a nice boost to a battered software giant:

Who do you want to bomb today?